Alex and I had a Big Exciting Trip To Target For A Bookbag today while Skyler is staying a couple days with his dad. On the way home, Alex was in good spirits. But he was wishing he could show off his new bag to his brother. The feeling of missing his best friend brought on this conversation, that I just had to get out!
Alex: Brother gets to go to his dad's house ALL THE TIME, and I hardly get to go there ever.
Me: Well, you live with your Dad and brother doesn't get that.
Alex: Well YEAH, but brother gets to live with a X-Box.
Me: I suppose an X-Box is pretty cool.
Alex: Yeah, but I guess it's more expensive.
Me: Oh I don't know. Daddies are pretty expensive, too.
Alex: But you don't have to BUY a Daddy. You just marry one.
Me: Uh huh. Good point. Someday you'll get married.
Alex: Yeah. I don't really know what that is yet. Will I know when I'm 13?
Me: I suppose you will know what it means to be married by 13.
Alex: Good, because some people get married at 13.
Me: No, honey. Not really.
Alex: Yes they do.
Me: Maybe a really long time ago.
Alex: Yeah. Maybe like in the 80's.
Oh my gosh. When they aren't driving me crazy, my kids sure crack me up!
Showing posts with label Just because I like to write.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Just because I like to write.. Show all posts
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
The anatomy of a tantrum.
I am writing this post primarily so that when Alex is a parent I have proof that he did, in fact, freak out a little every now and then.
I'll start by saying that little Alex- with the exception of a few months surrounding his 3rd birthday- is NOT an argumentative child. He is happy. Things don't bug my Al B. The world can be crashing down around Alex- give him a banana, a good haircut, a Wii and some pretzels and he is on top of the world. But not today. No sir.
Today, Alex's shoes were left at Grandma's house. His favorite shoes. And this is just NOT acceptable to little BigHam.
It all started when I asked the boys to please, for the love of all that is sane, BE QUIETER while playing the Wii. After repeated requests, I sent the boys to time out. Skyler quickly headed to time out and sat silently. (Recently Skyler could be heard telling Alex "It's ok to get in trouble sometimes, dude. I get in trouble all the time!") Sky knows the drill.
For Alex, getting in trouble is a personal insult. Naturally, this led to sobbing and tears of frustration and general screams of "this isn't FAIR!!!". That happens to everyone, right? Oh...no? Huh. Perhaps it's just Alex and I. Darn cancers.
With all this carrying on, I realized quickly that productivity was no longer a possibility. At this realization, Skyler was instructed to put away the Wii while Alex, still in the throes of desperation, was given two choices: put his shoes on to go, or be carried out shoeless.
As any reasonable person would do, Alex opted to continue laying on the floor and carrying on like a maniac. Two minutes later, Grandma Val's neighborhood was treated to a jarring rendition of "MY MOMMY IS THE MEANEST MOM EVER!" while I carried a shoeless and screaming almost 5 year old to the car. In the car, Alex did a fabulous impression of a caged raccoon and I found myself thinking fondly of the days when Alex's carseat resembled a straightjacket.
A child unbuckling and scrambling to exit the vehicle is not conducive to safe driving conditions. As a result, we sat for about 15 minutes on the side of the road, showing the whole neighborhood just how dysfunctional a family could really be. Good times.
After a drive home that was longer than a cross country trip in a Geo Metro, my eyes were closing and Alex was completely certain that he is literally the most unfortuante person in the whole entire world. He proceeded to spend the next thirty minutes hiding in various spots around his room (which, by the way, is not very large) while stewing over the fact that no reasonable parent would EVER make a child leave Grandma's house shoeless. Finally, at 5pm, Alex fell asleep. Thank heaven for not-so-small miracles.
Alex woke up an hour later and left a defeated message for Grandma pleading for the return of his shoes. Slowly, he began to consider that while I may be the meanest parent ever, I was also the holder of the mac n' cheese that he wanted to eat for dinner. As happens with children, his stomach eventually won out. By 8pm, I had my little Al B. back. And a glass of wine in my hand.
They are so cute when they sleep. And for the record, I WILL save this blog post for 30 years down the road when Alex calls me to tell me how frustrating my grandchildren are.
I'll start by saying that little Alex- with the exception of a few months surrounding his 3rd birthday- is NOT an argumentative child. He is happy. Things don't bug my Al B. The world can be crashing down around Alex- give him a banana, a good haircut, a Wii and some pretzels and he is on top of the world. But not today. No sir.
Today, Alex's shoes were left at Grandma's house. His favorite shoes. And this is just NOT acceptable to little BigHam.
It all started when I asked the boys to please, for the love of all that is sane, BE QUIETER while playing the Wii. After repeated requests, I sent the boys to time out. Skyler quickly headed to time out and sat silently. (Recently Skyler could be heard telling Alex "It's ok to get in trouble sometimes, dude. I get in trouble all the time!") Sky knows the drill.
For Alex, getting in trouble is a personal insult. Naturally, this led to sobbing and tears of frustration and general screams of "this isn't FAIR!!!". That happens to everyone, right? Oh...no? Huh. Perhaps it's just Alex and I. Darn cancers.
With all this carrying on, I realized quickly that productivity was no longer a possibility. At this realization, Skyler was instructed to put away the Wii while Alex, still in the throes of desperation, was given two choices: put his shoes on to go, or be carried out shoeless.
As any reasonable person would do, Alex opted to continue laying on the floor and carrying on like a maniac. Two minutes later, Grandma Val's neighborhood was treated to a jarring rendition of "MY MOMMY IS THE MEANEST MOM EVER!" while I carried a shoeless and screaming almost 5 year old to the car. In the car, Alex did a fabulous impression of a caged raccoon and I found myself thinking fondly of the days when Alex's carseat resembled a straightjacket.
A child unbuckling and scrambling to exit the vehicle is not conducive to safe driving conditions. As a result, we sat for about 15 minutes on the side of the road, showing the whole neighborhood just how dysfunctional a family could really be. Good times.
After a drive home that was longer than a cross country trip in a Geo Metro, my eyes were closing and Alex was completely certain that he is literally the most unfortuante person in the whole entire world. He proceeded to spend the next thirty minutes hiding in various spots around his room (which, by the way, is not very large) while stewing over the fact that no reasonable parent would EVER make a child leave Grandma's house shoeless. Finally, at 5pm, Alex fell asleep. Thank heaven for not-so-small miracles.
Alex woke up an hour later and left a defeated message for Grandma pleading for the return of his shoes. Slowly, he began to consider that while I may be the meanest parent ever, I was also the holder of the mac n' cheese that he wanted to eat for dinner. As happens with children, his stomach eventually won out. By 8pm, I had my little Al B. back. And a glass of wine in my hand.
They are so cute when they sleep. And for the record, I WILL save this blog post for 30 years down the road when Alex calls me to tell me how frustrating my grandchildren are.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
My note to Stephenie Meyer:
I love Twilight, Mrs. Meyer, but you got it wrong.
Those weren't immortals you were seeing in your dreams. They were just born and bred Pacific Northwesterners. So here I am, a born and raised Oregonian, to clear up the confusion:
-We aren't vampires, we're just pale. Not "I need a tan" pale, but "gee, is the fair colored foundation too dark for me?" pale. This is because we have no sun for most of the year. When we do, we get so excited that we go to Target and buy SPF300, huge sunglasses and sun hats in order to make us feel all summer-like.
-We aren't vampires, we just run fast. You'd run fast, too, if you had to face torrential downpours anytime you got out of the car.
-We aren't vampires, we just have dark circles under our eyes. This is attributed to the fact that children in rainy climates stay inside often. Children who stay indoors often are kind of nuts. Parents of children who are kind of nuts are freaking exhausted.
-We aren't vampires, we just talk funny. But we won't admit it because, obviously, it is actually the rest of the country who sounds strange.
-We aren't vampires, we are just moody. You try living in an overcast climate 9 months out of the year, then act all Little Miss Sunshine.
-We aren't vampires, we just sparkle. This is caused by the makeup we wear in an attempt to distract you from the fact that if you look too closely, you'll see our veins through our deathly pale skin.
-And finally, we aren't vampires...we are just cold. This isn't because our skin is made of marble. It's because we spend most of our time as wet as a drowned rat, wondering if the sun exists and fighting wind- with no umbrella or coat (of course) because only tourists use that crap.
Sooo...while I am admittedly a Twilight girl, I have to disappoint. There are no immortal beings in the Pacific NW. There are only people who actually live in the PNW, and you can see how that gets confusing.
Those weren't immortals you were seeing in your dreams. They were just born and bred Pacific Northwesterners. So here I am, a born and raised Oregonian, to clear up the confusion:
-We aren't vampires, we're just pale. Not "I need a tan" pale, but "gee, is the fair colored foundation too dark for me?" pale. This is because we have no sun for most of the year. When we do, we get so excited that we go to Target and buy SPF300, huge sunglasses and sun hats in order to make us feel all summer-like.
-We aren't vampires, we just run fast. You'd run fast, too, if you had to face torrential downpours anytime you got out of the car.
-We aren't vampires, we just have dark circles under our eyes. This is attributed to the fact that children in rainy climates stay inside often. Children who stay indoors often are kind of nuts. Parents of children who are kind of nuts are freaking exhausted.
-We aren't vampires, we just talk funny. But we won't admit it because, obviously, it is actually the rest of the country who sounds strange.
-We aren't vampires, we are just moody. You try living in an overcast climate 9 months out of the year, then act all Little Miss Sunshine.
-We aren't vampires, we just sparkle. This is caused by the makeup we wear in an attempt to distract you from the fact that if you look too closely, you'll see our veins through our deathly pale skin.
-And finally, we aren't vampires...we are just cold. This isn't because our skin is made of marble. It's because we spend most of our time as wet as a drowned rat, wondering if the sun exists and fighting wind- with no umbrella or coat (of course) because only tourists use that crap.
Sooo...while I am admittedly a Twilight girl, I have to disappoint. There are no immortal beings in the Pacific NW. There are only people who actually live in the PNW, and you can see how that gets confusing.
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